just say yeah!

"just say yeah...when it feels alright"... i heard this song last night on my way home...i can't help but reminisce those good 'ol post-graduation-bumming-days of my life...yeah after graduation i bummed around for four months (my choice)... my classmates and I went on a vacation in my friend's resort in cebu... i went to my uncle's place in cagayan then to palawi island...i woke up late...i went out almost every night...check attendance in friday's or hardrock then dance the night away...shopping... those were the days when life was less complicated...trying to look at it now i can't help but utter a smile...my life may be shallow then, but don't we sometimes wish that we could get away from all of life's stressful situations and just relax?...

i sometimes miss those days...those were the most carefree days of my life...those were the days that whenever i dance to the tune of "just say yeah"...i know that everything feels oh so right!

The One I Love

Hey, just want to share with you one of my favorite Regine Velasquez' songs. I fell in love with this song when I was in college. I honestly dunno why....Well, I'm just glad that I could sing it to someone now...

THE ONE I LOVE
No, he is not extra-special
At time he stress another face in the clouds
But each time he smiles, that's when I stumble
I'm so proud he's the one that I love
REFRAIN:
Oh, he's good, he's my boy
True his strength, I could not explain just
Why I loved him
Yes, he may be so old-fashioned
At times, he dresses in a way out of style
Oh, each time he holds me, and that's when I stumble
I'm so proud he's the one that I love
(Repeat Refrain)
He's my boy,
I could not explain just
Why I loved him
Yeah, he's not rich neither handsome
Then I'm not myself a queen nor a star
Oh, but I know for sure
I know that he cares for me
I'm so proud he's the one
I'm so glad I'm the girl that he chooses to have
I'm so proud he's the one...
He's the one that I love.........

cynicism

I'm in the state of cynicism lately...

- I'm financially broke...since I got a company loan (for my wedding) my salary could barely support my needs. Honestly, I'm diffident of the fact that my share in our household expenses is lesser as compared to that of my siblings' . As much as I want to help, I just don't have the means to do it. To make things worse, our usual "profit sharing" which is given in the middle of May or early June has not been given to us yet. No brave soul would want to ask the management if they could still give this or not since this is not really a benefit, the company gives this out of goodwill. I'm giving it until this week, otherwise I will obtain a loan from HDMF since my insurance premium is due early July. I know this will strain my budget more but i really have no other choice.

- I'm not enjoying my job...I honestly feel that I've taken the wrong career path. I'm basically staying with my job out of necessity. I could not afford to look for a new job now since I'm getting married at the end of this year. I could not take a long vacation for my wedding if ever I'll be transferring. I've been working for eight years already, I really feel I need a break at this point in time. As much as I want to resign and take a rest for a while, I have obligations at home and it would be a selfish move to do that. Honestly, my frustration on my career has caused me disappointment, depression, at times body illness and I've shed many tears as well.

- I'm getting married... I know I should be rejoicing but with the two things I mentioned above, I can't help but be scared at times. I really am happy of the fact that I'm getting married and that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with my one true love. Right now, things are moving smoothly with our wedding preparations but we still lack funds to finance everything. More so, I'm having doubts if we could make all ends meet once we're married. I know that God will help us, my concern is more on money matters anyway. However, if we will base things on the context of spiritual and emotional maturity, I know we are ready to take the plunge.

- My friends whom I usually talk to when I'm frustrated, depressed or simply tired are all out of reach. They went abroad. I know I coud reach them if I want to...through e-mail or sms, but being near each other is still different, you know someone is there to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong. You also have someone to laugh with or celebrate with if there's a reason for it.

I really hate the feeling of being cynical. I'm praying so hard to God to remove me out of this state.

bEiNg a LaBaNdErA

I used to envy our househelpers when I was little kid whenever they do the laundry. I love the thought of dipping your hands in the soap suds. Whenever they do this chore, I stay with them and convince them to let me join them. Of course, they wouldn't let me, they kept telling me that I'll get dirty and soaked. And so this has been my childhood dream... yes I dreamt of being a labandera at a certain point in my life!

My siblings and I are currently in the state of "independent living". Yes, we pay our rent, bills and do the household chores all by ourselves. It's my turn this week to do the laundry. I did it last night since my schedule is full from tonight until Sunday. It was such a difficult task considering that our washing machine broke down. I did everything manually! Oh well, my hands were really hurt and I suffered from a case of severe backache. My childhood dream was not what I expected it to be... it wasn't fun at all! In fact it was such a gruesome tiring chore!

It may sound funny in this sense but this whole laundry thing made me realize that indeed God answers our heart's desires and He answers even the smallest and outrageous ones. It may take Him long to answer it but He still gives it to us in His own perfect time. Imagine if He granted my wish ages ago... by the time I was a teenager I wouldn't even want to wash a single cloth! And my siblings will need to exert more effort to force me do this task:) So the truth of the matter is, we need to trust God that He will answer all our prayers. We just need to lift everything up to Him and He'll put everything in the right perspective and in His perfect time.

Let's just be careful on what we wish for:)

thoughts on family matters

i had a little chit-chat with one of my friends yesterday. well, she's ranting about her situation at the moment 'coz she's currently unemployed. if i were in her situation i wouldn't mind at all...really. she's married (her husband's family and hers are both well off), has 2 kids and she can travel anytime she wants. her husband can take care of all their finances since he's holding a lucrative position in one of the country's top oil firms. i told her that if she can't find a job that suits her requirement, might as well stay at home and take care of her kids. no experience could be more fulfilling than being able to guide your kids in their formative years. my fiance and i agreed that if his job will soon be able to finance all our needs, i will resign from work to look after our soon-to-be-kids. why? we would want our kids to be close to mom or dad than to yaya or lola, we want our kids to go to us whenever something's bothering them...in other words, we want them to know that before they turn to anybody.... they have their parents who can attend to them. my fiance grew up having a career mom and a dad who works abroad, because of this he used to have a strained relationship with his dad. we don't want that to happen... we want to have a family that is centered more on spirituality and love than on material wealth. whew! i know...it may be hard but someone's gotta try.

first entry

hiyyyaaahh! this is actually my first entry. hope this would release a little of the tension and stress from my system:) 'till next time!